Nightlight: A Parody Read Online Free - About three things I was absolutely certain.
First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.
Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.
|Title||:||Nightlight: A Parody|
|Number of Pages||:||154 pages|
March 31, 2010
Belle is my name
I've never wanted fame
I'm a little different, it's true
But so are you!
Edwart you are
Into your eyes I can see far
Your eyes changed to green
By me you can be seen
You're a vampire, I know
Even if it doesn't show
You may say you're not
But that's not what I thought
January 15, 2012
This was ABSOLUTELY hilarious. This is what everyone was (or should have been) thinking while reading the Twilight books.
There are conversations such as this:
Belle and her dad before Edwart picks her up: "So, Belle, what's new today?"
"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his...
November 19, 2009
Not quite as terrible as I first thought, but still pretty bad. To give you some idea of what it's like, here's one of the passages I most enjoyed. Belle Goose is talking to her father:"So, Belle, what's new today?"
"Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the...
October 19, 2011
Utter shite to put it bluntly. I could write something funnier. Here is an example of the side-splitting humour...
She had brown bushy hair in a ponytail that was more like a squirrel tail in the context of her beady squirrel eyes.I thought I recognised her from somewhere, but I couldn't place it....
May 08, 2011
I wiped the chemical dust off my clothes and sat down. Without looking at Edwart, I pulled out my textbook and notepad. Then, without looking at Edwart, I looked at the board and wrote down the terms Mr. Franklin had written. I don’t think other people in my situation could do quite so many thing...
January 18, 2018
A little too slapstick for my tastes and some jokes didn't make much sense to me
February 26, 2010
I love how people try to justify their bad reviews for this book by continuously stating that they do not like Twilight and that they are in fact true lovers of a parody.
I really liked this book. But anything that takes piss out of this universal tragedy is a win. Some of the reviews here stated...
May 19, 2010
It's hardly ground-breaking, but I'm giving it four stars on the sheer enjoyment factor. I'm actually a fan of the Twilight books, but I get that Stephenie Meyer is no Shakespeare and this series is hardly world class literature.
Twilight's gotten so huge it was only a matter of time before someo...
April 19, 2011
Okay, so let me start with the fact that, yes, as shocking as it may be, I have read Twilight. So, after reading my review of this awesomely genius book, you can't use the excuse of, "You haven't read it, you don't understand!" I have read it. So, to all you Twilight fans, (And possible Harry Pot...
December 29, 2010
This was a Christmas gift from my brother. He bought it for me because he “couldn’t remember which of those Twilight books you had already.” So sweet. And it’s a fitting gift from someone who only watches comedy and whose favorite TV show is “SNL.”
Nightlight is a parody—you guessed it— of the fi...